I am coming to understand a larger significance that sobriety has in my life. Its grand purpose seems to be one of alerting me to the fact that I am a physical being in addition to a spiritual one. I am being asked to give up the most powerful chemical means of expansion, all of which wear the shit out of your body if used daily. Perhaps the body isn't meant to be involved in expansion of consciousness in this way. It places stress on delicate albeit resilient tissues. The stress is caused by the dualing agendas of keeping stable and going on expiditions of consciousness levels. There is a way to explore that supports rather than injures the body, and this is the mission of discovery sobriety is beackoning me to undertake. Will she or wont she? This is where my true feelings emerge. I feel a violent rejection of the notion of accepting right at this moment, and I choose to let it be okay that this inner "fuck you" exists. Of course it does, and there is no hurry toward some kind of finish line in this case. It's okay if I take this position regarding Vast Intelligence with me to the grave. Good enough as is.
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