I am coming to understand a larger significance that sobriety has in my life. Its grand purpose seems to be one of alerting me to the fact that I am a physical being in addition to a spiritual one. I am being asked to give up the most powerful chemical means of expansion, all of which wear the shit out of your body if used daily. Perhaps the body isn't meant to be involved in expansion of consciousness in this way. It places stress on delicate albeit resilient tissues. The stress is caused by the dualing agendas of keeping stable and going on expiditions of consciousness levels. There is a way to explore that supports rather than injures the body, and this is the mission of discovery sobriety is beackoning me to undertake. Will she or wont she? This is where my true feelings emerge. I feel a violent rejection of the notion of accepting right at this moment, and I choose to let it be okay that this inner "fuck you" exists. Of course it does, and there is no hurry toward some kind of finish line in this case. It's okay if I take this position regarding Vast Intelligence with me to the grave. Good enough as is.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
EMOS DOYRH
Upon release, the twice-amplified masses break rank and disperse, straying willy-nilly out and away.
The only order is more simple than anticipated--just the one option.
There is no other.
Knowing this, we scurry to the one side to tip the scale in favor of mass awakening and presence.
Although we are now all on the same side, balance is achieved.
Upon release, the twice-amplified masses break rank and disperse, straying willy-nilly out and away.
The only order is more simple than anticipated--just the one option.
There is no other.
Knowing this, we scurry to the one side to tip the scale in favor of mass awakening and presence.
Although we are now all on the same side, balance is achieved.
Friday, October 7, 2011
EMOS DOBMH
What is meant by "my", and especially when enhanced by the companion word "own"?
What is meant by doubled power? Where does it come from? It all comes from Source.
So, "I" just get two today instead of one, is that it?
Okay then, I get to be a unifying power.
I get to know healing.
I get to attract accomplishment for the purpose of melting all back into the one.
I want it that bad. You can have it.
This is all I ask, in fact, at least for right now.
This is why the epitaph reads
"really lived."
Thursday, October 6, 2011
I have been nannying a boy for the past 7 years of our lives who fits into the "oppositional-defiant" category, and who is now going to a therapeutic school geared toward children with this challenge. A few months ago, back when his mom told me that they were considering this school, I went to their website. Inexplicably, I felt a quickening within, like electricity, almost like when I've met someone I'm incredibly attracted to. I even considered asking if they needed volunteers, I was so enamored. I've had my hands full with this and that, so the volunteering idea hasn't returned, but I've often thought about that stirring of excitement I felt as I perused their website.
This morning, just as my daughter was leaving for school, and I was considering yoga or more coffee, a thought occurred to me from out of the blue, and all of a sudden, it made sense to me why this school held such a fascination for me. It represents a blend of elements which deep down I believe must be present and in the proper mixture, along with some other elements, for a school to be dynamic and yet structured enough to provide ideal learning situations for my kids (my kids, your kids, your sister's kids...all my kids).
I knew I had opinions about school and learning, both the formal and organic variety, but until this morning, I had no idea that I also was forming a vision for what exactly that might look like. I am to get involved with the learning sector. I have abundant passion for this, apparently. I feel on fire, maybe like Maria Montessori felt when she saw what she saw and created her system of learning. The main elements of this vision of an ideal learning situation consists of an LPC, a CADCA, a cadre of MFAs, a master gardener and a master culinarian (needn't be a chef by label, just love to cook and be good at it). Into this mixture would rotate a cadre of science, technology, divinity/philosophy and business teachers, with people from the various fields coming to give age-appropriate presentations on a regular basis.
Is this a group home for children who have been separated from their families somehow (foster kids)? It's a big vision, but one I could really get my teeth into. It encompasses, I believe, all of the territories which are most dear to me, and about which I feel the most passion. Okay, it's October 6, 2011, and I have just had an urge to found and open an orphanage! Happy Thursday!
This morning, just as my daughter was leaving for school, and I was considering yoga or more coffee, a thought occurred to me from out of the blue, and all of a sudden, it made sense to me why this school held such a fascination for me. It represents a blend of elements which deep down I believe must be present and in the proper mixture, along with some other elements, for a school to be dynamic and yet structured enough to provide ideal learning situations for my kids (my kids, your kids, your sister's kids...all my kids).
I knew I had opinions about school and learning, both the formal and organic variety, but until this morning, I had no idea that I also was forming a vision for what exactly that might look like. I am to get involved with the learning sector. I have abundant passion for this, apparently. I feel on fire, maybe like Maria Montessori felt when she saw what she saw and created her system of learning. The main elements of this vision of an ideal learning situation consists of an LPC, a CADCA, a cadre of MFAs, a master gardener and a master culinarian (needn't be a chef by label, just love to cook and be good at it). Into this mixture would rotate a cadre of science, technology, divinity/philosophy and business teachers, with people from the various fields coming to give age-appropriate presentations on a regular basis.
Is this a group home for children who have been separated from their families somehow (foster kids)? It's a big vision, but one I could really get my teeth into. It encompasses, I believe, all of the territories which are most dear to me, and about which I feel the most passion. Okay, it's October 6, 2011, and I have just had an urge to found and open an orphanage! Happy Thursday!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
October 5, 2011, Day 2 of my NaBloPoMo challenge!
EMOS DORCS
by
Wowager
you embody human Dedication to feeling and trusting Instinct
everyone Survives the Life Force.
everyone
everyone
Cooperation is Universal
My creative expression life has TAKEN OFF since I quit drinking, and was even picking up nicely ever since I started this blog (before official schyobriety)! I can't vouch for the quality, but the quantity keeps on coming! Love does that, I guess :).
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
NaBloPoMo
1) open the box of packets containing your power
2) dissolve one double-strength tablet and drink deeply
3) allow the medicine to target the issue, which is only ever
old pain.
4) Release. That's it.
5) Awareness will flower, and will liberate stuck energy
Just found and joined NaBloPoMo, a group of bloggers who want support in forming their blogging habits. I hadn't thought about it until I ran accross a NaBloPoMo button on someone's blog--Thanks Michelle--I found it on the SecThurs blog (thanks, SecThurs blogger, too! I wish I was a homeschool mom so I could post! I'm a religious homeschool survivor from the '80's, does that qualify?).
I came up with this blog title a few months ago, when I became tired of being a problem drinker. This was to mark the beginning of an era in which I still find myself, one which has turned a corner recently, to be sure. When I came up with the title, I was returning to an earlier personal-intake-moderation plan I'd conceived which consisted of following Mireille Giuliano's equilibrium-finding program as outlined in her book French Women Don't Get Fat (hate the title, by the way, and the whole notion that fat is inherently evil and thin is required for true bliss--whatever!). I love the notion of slowing down and truly enjoying the moments which make up this life I am in for who knows how long or short. Her advice is a bit Bhuddist in a way (loving the suchness of this present moment), but it's lavishly wrapped in charming Provencal butcher paper with that twine you can only find there. It appeals in a big way to this particular hedonist.
Since starting this blog, I have had an experience or two, including an apartment fire and a major confrontation and subsequent rift with my rigidly religious father, having to move back in with soon-to-be-ex-husband, and finally admitting that my overuse of alcohol isn't going to budge without the big guns. "What? Rehab, Madame?," you must be wondering. No, or at least not yet, but I have sought help in a 12-step program, which is about the same thing from where I'm standing. It's just a lot cheaper and you eat and sleep off-campus. I have had to say "Adieu!" to Mireille's genteel guideline of one glass of wine per day, as I tried keeping it to just the one glass, time without number. Most of the time, I wound up drinking way more than that and waking up wishing I could change my ways. Okay, so The Big Guns--12 steps, a new community, a new mindset, a new lifestyle, and voille! I am changing my ways! It's a sweet relief to wake up rested, with clear eyes, no adrenaline surge about who I drunk-dialed last night or whether I remembered to put the food away after dinner. My body is functioning better too, which is a huge, huge plus (getting older, was getting worried).
So this Francophile woman (me) has practically gone to rehab after all. At last analysis, all I have lost is a bit of opinionated pride, some judgements about 12-step organizations, some secretly-disdained isolation and a former pleasure that had become a big pain in my ass.
As my favorite oracle Robb Walsh says, and I paraphrase, " I am ready for newer, bigger, wetter problems!"
2) dissolve one double-strength tablet and drink deeply
3) allow the medicine to target the issue, which is only ever
old pain.
4) Release. That's it.
5) Awareness will flower, and will liberate stuck energy
Just found and joined NaBloPoMo, a group of bloggers who want support in forming their blogging habits. I hadn't thought about it until I ran accross a NaBloPoMo button on someone's blog--Thanks Michelle--I found it on the SecThurs blog (thanks, SecThurs blogger, too! I wish I was a homeschool mom so I could post! I'm a religious homeschool survivor from the '80's, does that qualify?).
I came up with this blog title a few months ago, when I became tired of being a problem drinker. This was to mark the beginning of an era in which I still find myself, one which has turned a corner recently, to be sure. When I came up with the title, I was returning to an earlier personal-intake-moderation plan I'd conceived which consisted of following Mireille Giuliano's equilibrium-finding program as outlined in her book French Women Don't Get Fat (hate the title, by the way, and the whole notion that fat is inherently evil and thin is required for true bliss--whatever!). I love the notion of slowing down and truly enjoying the moments which make up this life I am in for who knows how long or short. Her advice is a bit Bhuddist in a way (loving the suchness of this present moment), but it's lavishly wrapped in charming Provencal butcher paper with that twine you can only find there. It appeals in a big way to this particular hedonist.
Since starting this blog, I have had an experience or two, including an apartment fire and a major confrontation and subsequent rift with my rigidly religious father, having to move back in with soon-to-be-ex-husband, and finally admitting that my overuse of alcohol isn't going to budge without the big guns. "What? Rehab, Madame?," you must be wondering. No, or at least not yet, but I have sought help in a 12-step program, which is about the same thing from where I'm standing. It's just a lot cheaper and you eat and sleep off-campus. I have had to say "Adieu!" to Mireille's genteel guideline of one glass of wine per day, as I tried keeping it to just the one glass, time without number. Most of the time, I wound up drinking way more than that and waking up wishing I could change my ways. Okay, so The Big Guns--12 steps, a new community, a new mindset, a new lifestyle, and voille! I am changing my ways! It's a sweet relief to wake up rested, with clear eyes, no adrenaline surge about who I drunk-dialed last night or whether I remembered to put the food away after dinner. My body is functioning better too, which is a huge, huge plus (getting older, was getting worried).
So this Francophile woman (me) has practically gone to rehab after all. At last analysis, all I have lost is a bit of opinionated pride, some judgements about 12-step organizations, some secretly-disdained isolation and a former pleasure that had become a big pain in my ass.
As my favorite oracle Robb Walsh says, and I paraphrase, " I am ready for newer, bigger, wetter problems!"
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