Twenty-One Days of Fun! Day 1

I'm embarking for home today, wherever home is at this time. 

I will spend the next week asking in meditation, "who am I?", the week after that "what do I want?", and the third and final week "What is my Dharma?"

Starting today, I eat experimentally, following my cravings and checking in with myself an hour later and making notes to start designing my ideal diet.  I let go of the weight loss/gain aspect of food, and I trust that I will seek and utilize what my body needs overall.

I am investing at least 15 minutes of time into vigorous excercise each day. 

I will be logging the experience here. 

I will do an hour of research daily. Week One focuses on addiction--disease or no?  Week 2 focuses on writing my autobiography.  Week 3 focuses on Dreaming Out Loud. 

I will write a first draft of a poem here each day. 

As we will see, many other unscheduled self-caring items will creep in throughout the day.  The above is merely an example of highlights to hit. 


Day 1

breakfast: coffee with cream, egg scrambled with 1tsp butter, 1/2 slice swiss cheese, 2 oz ham. 4 oz cucumber and tbsp sc, earl grey tea.  feel good if a bit overfed.  Less fat next time, more greens.

mediation--check.

phone call with good friend--check.

3 mins excercise--check.

poem--check, see below:

RMA d9

Endure for the pure;
Loyalty means loyalty to self,
Loyalty means loving and knowing self,
Loyalty means showing up here now,
Always good to see you, Timelessness.

hot bath with salts and lavander--check.

Exercise:  1 min

Dinner:  8 Wendy's chicken nuggets, scallop tempura with plain steamed broccoli and sauteed jalapenos, 5 glasses Spanish Cava.  I feel full, completely off-program, satisfied, a bit amused at this very sudden mood swing from virtue and science to this no-holds-barred hedonism.  WTF?

4 cans sparkling water

2 cigarettes

Bed:  9:30

New Pet

I have a new pet project--Winter Holidays!!  I am preparing for the Winter Solstice, for being visited by dear friends from halfway around the earth, and for Christmas.  I and my space must move some excess.  I have gained several pounds as a late-thirties present to myself.  I've had enough fun with it and I'm passing it along.  Rather than feast with friends or family, I intend to conduct a juice fast.  I'm charging up my camera so I can take before and after pics of myself and my space.

Believe it or not, I am pulling on some online resources for planning a wedding, have a dedicated calendar/project management notebook, a budget, and I'm working on a timeline.  I'm also starting to declutter while I do my planning.  Basically, I'm getting a home Christmas wedding together in the space of about 15 days.  Woo Hoo!!  I've never felt so alive!!!

 

The Lifehouse Keeper

Back when I was little, my friends and I might say during a game of pretend, "I'm her."  We might even get in an argument about who gets to be whichever coveted persona "her" was.  I just now got an image of myself as a lighthouse keeper, and joined in with my inner seven-year-old and said with her in unison "I'm her."  Then we laughed out loud and coined the title "Lifehouse Keeper."

"Ooooh, good one," one of us said to the other.

What's so cool about a lifehouse keeper?

It's an important job.  The people we are here to serve get to range far and venture big because they know that if they get anywhere near our place, they will be able to make it in safely.  We get to spend most of our time in solitude.  We have company many weekends, but not all the time.  We get to love the fact that we are not the only lifehouse in the world, and let that notion go.  We get to travel without leaving home if we want to, and going away for a bit is also a cinch.  It's also more of a sacred office than a position, just as any "being yourself" modality is.  In any case, it's the only "me" we can be, so we say, "I'm her!"   

French Women Have Nice Rooms

It's a fact.  Do your own research.  You'll see. 

November 6, 2011

I woke up this morning, opened my laptop as usual to check and see how my blog post was sitting with the wide world, and couldn't find it anywhere.  "Oh," I thought, "maybe I forgot to cross-post, or maybe I wrote it only on the NaBloPoMo site."  Nope.  The blog-post gnomes made off with it in the night.  Oh well. 

I had written about moving a 5,000 pound granite orb with one hand at the Museum of Natural Science.  I had written about black holes and white holes and the worm holes connecting them, which I pseudo-learned about in the planetarium (really glad there wasn't a quiz after because most of that zshoomed over my head).  Ooooh--that's it!  It got sucked into a black hole!!

Oh,Thank the Damn Universe!

I am now a conspiracy theorist.  The Universe, I swear to pete, is conspiring on my behalf that every teeny tiny little event and every big f***ing deal works together with all the other stuff that I don't even notice, to land me square in the lap of luxury.  Yeah, I said it--luxury.  Silk pajamas and caviar sandwiches?  Better.  See, I am almost totally unemployed right now, in a paycheck way, I mean.  And as such, i tend to feel a bit on the worthless side.  I'm dependent.  The word "dependent" makes me think about Depends undergarments.  Although i know that loss of bladder control is neither here nor there, what the hell does it matter...I have it hardwired somewhere in my brain that "dependent" is both dangerous and also somehow all I can ever hope for.  Not a comfortable feeling to feel, well...f***ed.  What was I saying about luxury?  That Life itself conspires on my behalf to help me notice how exactly how I can slip into the space of welcome and nurture. 

Get Off My Case!!!!

The comparison game sucks the devil's ass, and that's what I've been up to every day since I can remember.  It feels dangerous, in fact, to give myself permission to just be exactly as I am.  I just got an up-close inspection of they way I have tended to talk to myself.  Not purty. 

I've moved up a coupla notches on my priority list.  No one on earth counts on me more for kindness and fairness.